Kept Woman and Loving It

31 May


I know what you’re thinking. Get your mind outta the gutter! I don’t mean mistress; keep reading you will get it.

I usually have these times, when I put on worship music and sit or lie on the floor, stretch out my hands and meditate on the lyrics. I don’t particularly like slow music but I make an exception at these times and really let the words minister to me.

Tonight I was meditating on a time in the past few weeks when I felt very discouraged and was very bored with life but could not quite figure out exactly what it was. Looking back, it was probably because I felt that God did not have my back. I felt that He was placing me in paths that were only leading me to lack of fulfillment and I was being set up to fail. So I got into a state of apathy for a while until God threw something to jerk me back to life. Actually it was a number of things so I set aside time to fast and pray.

Through this time, I have realized that God has really kept me. Times when I have been so discouraged that I thought the world would be better off without me. I can’t say I have ever been suicidal but I sure know I have been close a number of times. When I think of the reasons that got me discouraged, they were not worth it. God lifted me out of those deep pits and just in time too. It is only by His grace that I live today. This song really ministers to me when I am down and out. I hope it does the same to you. Allow me to share a part of the song.

So I’m here today because God kept me

I’m alive today only because of His grace

He kept me, God kept me

So I wouldn’t let go

(Kurt Carr)


5 Responses to “Kept Woman and Loving It”

  1. rockhead June 20, 2013 at 12:43 pm #

    Love the pic! I should look for you more so you can tell me what there discouragements are. Glad you are OK now 🙂

    • lilburdy June 25, 2013 at 1:42 pm #

      Isn’t it a process! Was mostly talking about last year, you know most of it. Thanks for reading

  2. FiriFiri June 22, 2013 at 6:05 pm #

    Thanks to a link on Twitter I was led to this blog and I read this and kinda compelled to leave a reply. Pole for the experience. But thats a common experience for many. Are you 24, 25, 26 or 27 thereabouts? Well, welcome to QLC. Quarter Life Crisis. It feels much the same way you feel. Desperation. Panic. Anxiety. Depression. You will not fail. It will pass, however long the feeling stays. My whole theory bout what you are going through could be wrong. But consider QLC as a possibility. Says me

    • lilburdy June 25, 2013 at 1:30 pm #

      Hi FiriFiri,
      would you imagine! I am thereabouts in those ages. And I was in a meeting today at work and decided I needed to write about my quarter life crisis (I just realized this) in details. Thanks for reading

  3. firifiri July 2, 2013 at 4:23 pm #

    2 years. Research puts it at 2 years-the amount of time one undergoes qlc. i am sure you still have much more to write about!

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