11 May

When everything is wrong,The day has passed and nothing’s done

When the whole world seems against me,When am rolling in my bed

There’s a storm in my head,Am afraid of sinking in despair

The past two weeks have been tough and I have been asking myself (and God too, he can’t be left out) if this is all I will ever have. If things will always be tough and would I always have to struggle. I thought of everything I may have done to deserve all these.

Coz am a child of little faith

I feel the wind and forget your grace

Then I made the biggest mistake and started to compare. I tried to show God His unfairness. Tried to show how I deserved what others had too. I had dedicated myself fully, given my all and yet others were being rewarded. Not that they did not deserve it, my problem is that I feel I deserve better too. It feels like it has been downhill for a while now and it’s about time things started looking up.

The wild wave is high,It’s crashing o’er the deck

And I don’t know where to go,

Where are You, Lord

Is this ship going down,

The mast is gone so throw the anchor

Should I jump and try to swim to live

That is why I am awake in the wee hours of the morning, to score it out with God. I realized that I am never at ease if I don’t cry out to God (sometimes literally) first. No words of encouragement or pity parties will do (have I ever mentioned how much I hate pity parties and self pity). It’s been two hours and my heart feels lighter already. I got to remember my blessings in the midst of my complaints.

There on the storm, I am learning to let go

Of the will that I so long to control

So in my tear-stained rhema book is evidence that I am weak and I have to keep learning that I can’t make it on my own strength.  Evidence that there are times I get overwhelmed and almost fall into despair. Where I am reminded to get back into focus and get connected to the source, He who has my manual.

There on the storm, Teach me Lord to understand

Of your will that I just can’t control

There may I see, your love protecting me

Thank You Lord

You are the calmer of my storm





  1. Tricia May 11, 2010 at 6:55 pm #

    The source, the manual…everything that can give you strength..you and I both, thanks i needed these words

    About the comparing, i kinda learned that we are all on different journeys and everyone has their time…

    • lilburdy May 13, 2010 at 3:30 am #

      I get flabbergasted at how life never runs out of lessons to teach! Thank God for His word.
      Thanks for reading

  2. Colin May 12, 2010 at 11:35 am #

    huh, this is so open and honest. like the good book says, sooner or later, time and chance happen to every man. your time’s gonna come.
    PS: and that song – just downloaded it – wow! now wondering where they’ve been all my life.

    • lilburdy May 13, 2010 at 3:32 am #

      Which song? Downhere or Everyday Sunday?! Either way both are awesome.
      Thanks for reading mate 🙂

  3. confessionsofasoapaholic May 14, 2010 at 4:21 am #

    heh its like ur post was just speaking to me!
    enyewe God is the only source of peace,direction,true satisfaction
    but most of the times its so difficult to let go of one’s will
    and Let Him.

  4. rockhead May 21, 2010 at 11:14 pm #

    Awww this is so deep. I love the happy ending 🙂
    And yeah, we never stop learning though it never feels fun anyway
    (P.S. I’m starting the box)

  5. lilburdy June 19, 2010 at 11:09 pm #

    Ladies, thanks for reading.
    @Shiro have you actually started the box

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