I CANT TALK ABOUT IT

16 Sep

I had a bad day today. In fact I have been having a bad day all week long. So I am crying myself out because I don’t know any other way to deal. I just find that I can’t talk about what I am going through. Not that I won’t, I just can’t. I don’t know if it’s because I am introverted and introspective. I have been hurting for long and have buried it inside and this week it all came to the surface. I have been hurting about things I had convinced myself I could not hurt from. I hurt because I have hurt others and I do not know how to right my wrongs. I hurt because I have been hurt and am being hurt. I hurt from things I thought were in the past. I hurt because others are hurting and my hurts seem so insignificant in the face of all the ‘world’s’ hurts.

This week my eyes opened up to see all my shattered dreams and the thorns in the roses. I really want to be strong but I am crumbling and am struggling to get back up again.  I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but I have had it with everything. I sometimes don’t even know why I hurt so. I can’t even bring myself to talk to God. I have not been able to cry for so long so I just bottled it inside because that is how I deal with stuff; that and retreating.

I will be fine though. I just need some quiet time to talk to God and I will be fine. I am probably just having one of those days.

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4 Responses to “I CANT TALK ABOUT IT”

  1. Tricia September 17, 2009 at 2:13 pm #

    Im so familiar with your emotions. I think am the same,the whole bottling up..RELEASE those emotions wen u can even cry about it if u have to..th hurt lessens.

  2. rockhead September 21, 2009 at 4:32 pm #

    What was it about? You can tell me PP…hope ur better now

  3. Sista C October 2, 2009 at 10:15 am #

    And now you are making me hurt coz my friend(you) is hurting. I hope you are better now. I know you can always say you’ll talk to God, but God also sends angels in form of people in our lives so that you can talk to them and help each other carry life’s burdens.

  4. colouredinsepia November 3, 2009 at 7:10 pm #

    I hav had those every day bad days many times and sometimes they come back to back, n iv cried myself to sleep just as many times..but uv tagged this note God and with time Im learning that that is the right person to ‘tag’ in ur notes..coz ultimately only He can take the pain away…regardless of how small or large it is…Ithink u r my blog twin lilburdy!!the truth that applies2me in ur posts is numbing!!

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