The Greater Fool

8 Jun

blog 14ph(“,)to

I think that God is so amazing and humorous at the same time. Not humor ha ha ha, but humor that is hilarious. Like, I feel swearing would bring this out best rolling on the floor coughing your lungs out hilarious!

I’m up on a work night because I just got a revelation of something that was being birthed four months ago. It was one of those seasons where life gives you so many lemons, they pin you to the ground and you can’t seem to make lemonade. The smell of lemon instead chokes you and one of the lemons comes alive and taunts you and another squashes it’s juice into your eyes just to drive the point home. I’m sure you get the point.

Anyway back to four months ago, I had the aforementioned lemon episode and tonight I realized I was being prepared for this time. I was being made so uncomfortable that I had no choice but to break out of my comfort shell. God was trying to get me to really believe in my dreams. Again! I had shoved them down a drain and created a flimsy blueprint of what I thought would be the best for me. Such limited thinking!

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts

Isaiah 55:8-9

So I realize I am one of those crazy people who dare to believe that the dreams they have always had can come to pass. To believe that things like terrorism can end, as well as poverty and racism and hatred. That every human being can be treated with dignity and respect that they are entitled to just by virtue of being human and not what they do or have.  I am those people who dare to believe that the pain and oddity we are so used to can actually turn into joy and normalcy.

I am the greater fool who is going out on a limb to invest in something I’m convinced will pay off even though I don’t see evidence of it. And what a fool I must be because I am like a short blind man trying to jump over a moat and get into the castle…

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.
(To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time, Robert Herrick)

Of sucky men and God’s plans

30 Nov

Sucky ˈsʌki/ adjective

very bad or unpleasant.

So what do I mean by sucky men? Very bad or unpleasant may be an overstatement for me, an understatement for some (don’t I know it). I mean those guys who don’t treat the women around them with respect in one way or another. Those who talk disrespectfully about their girlfriends behind their back or even in their face. Those who cheat on their significant other. Even those boys who lead on girls and then just move on with their lives seemingly unscarred. That’s my PG version of sucky!
But that is not what I want to dwell on in this post. I was reading one of my favorite blogs and she has stopped writing in it and opened a new chapter. She has had a fair share of sucky men but now she has found love that I could describe as “love that finally makes sense”. This is the kind of love I want to talk about.
I got back from Kigali early this week and it was such a breath of fresh air to be in a different country and culture. I was at my friend’s wedding and they had dated for 4 years and stuck it through in the good and bad times notwithstanding that the latter had been many. This is what I am talking about, the love that just makes sense, it is not hard and it makes both parties happy. Granted, it does have its ups and downs but both parties still want to hold on. I can shallowly compare it to my love for Ethiopian food. I love it! I enjoy eating it spicy and chilly but always get a severe tummy ache the next day. I still want to eat it though the next time, even when I remember the tummy ache that never fails.
I think God has put it such that if it is your path to meet someone, that you will do it at just the right time and it will make sense. Leave all the romantic notions we have all had. I have had it with all the sucky men I have encountered. The one where he whisks you away into the sunset, or is it sunrise? No, I am talking about the kind of person you meet and it all makes sense why you had to go through the sucky guys and why those sucky situations had to end in heartbreak to get to where you are. I am talking about God’s plan for your life. If God has a plan for your life why would He not also plan for your spouse. I do not get people who say that you can just marry anybody and it will work just fine, it’s like saying you can get into any profession and it will work out fine. Why then would I have different strengths, passions, gifts and talents from the next girl?
This is what I will tell my daughter one day. That there are sucky men out there, most of them don’t flat out want to be sucky but they still are. I will tell her that she does not have to go through sucky guys to get through to the guy who will make sense. I will tell her to pray to God and trust that He can guide her and the man she is best fit to marry to meet. But the most important lesson I want to teach her is to trust in God. That if God has not chosen the path of marriage for her, it is because He has plans for her life that are just as great and if she sticks to His ways, she will be fulfilled in His plans.
I am drinking this water I am preaching!

Of Times I Forget

17 Oct

Resilience_RecoveryAt times I forget, of the One who made me; He who formed my purposes and ordains my steps. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

It amazes me every time that I still learn new truths even after 16 years in this Journey. These are things that I have heard all my life but they finally sink in! Like this theory of praising in the storm; I use the word theory loosely because it is actually a truth. A mother one day told me that she prays to God that He would not remove trials from her children’s lives but that He would guide them through trials. I found that a bit hard to ingest and digest.

Then we read stories of Job, Daniel and his friends and Paul and we read through how they praised in the storm and I write them off as a special breed. But trials are necessary to build and refine our character. I find that it is at times like these that I grow closer to God like never before. And it is at my darkest point that He comes through and encourages me in a way that I understand.

…“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9

Then I find strength through the trial until it ends. I learn that resilience actually means praising through the storm.

…For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12: 10

At times when I hit my darkest lowest points and I cry out to God and ask for peace that surpasses understanding and He gives it to me. Then later I sit and ask for understanding, He reminds me that I have peace that surpasses all understanding, why would I then seek for a peace that comes from understanding. So I concede.

Every blessing you pour out

I’ll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in

Lord, still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord


You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Blessed be Your name

(Matt Redmann)

…Of Friendships #QLC

7 Sep

Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer- Jean de La Fontaine

This post tags on to #QLC and the journey to coming full circle. Things you get to understand about yourself and what you are about. The values you hold dearest and how it dictates your life and relationships. I value realness: honesty, candor and respect in friendships.

honest friends

I want to be real all the time. Being real for me means I want to be honest, given the benefit of doubt, sassy, say silly things, laugh out loud, sit on the floor, let my hair down and stuff like that. I want to do that all the time, at work and even at school. I hate situations where I can’t do that even when I know I really can’t. Like in a management or any work meeting. Duh! I want to tell someone that their dark blue skirt would go really well with a yellow top and fuscia earrings and show them. I want to talk about how Love and Hip hop must not be real because no lady can take so much crap from a man. Why can’t we have a 20 minute break every thirty minutes to check out what’s trending and discuss it? Maybe because that’s not how the real world runs, boring! I remember one time being in a serious workshop and I just got the urge to ask a silly question. Then I asked it and could almost hear the gasps people were trying so hard to keep inside. I could tell they were thinking, “The nerve of her….”


Thank God the question got answered but if it didn’t that would be fine too.

I want my friends to be real too. One time, a really good friend of mine and I got a chance to work together. We were given roles and I got to find out she had a problem with our roles when I was called into a meeting (that I thought was to brief us on the next step). Turns out it was to ease out the situation that I had not known was uneasy in the first place. I felt so betrayed, like she had stabbed me fifty times in the back. My perspective was, if we are real friends you should be comfortable enough to tell me first before you tell others. Needless to say, there were trust issues galore but we are all good now.

That’s the same problem I have with men who lead women on and not treating them right. Here a lady is being real when the guy is not! If someone’s got some issues going on, they should speak their mind. They shouldn’t say things they know they don’t mean. That’s just downright disrespectful. But that’s like a whole three blog posts full for another day.

True friendship ought never to conceal what it thinks-St. Jerome

My take is, if we can’t be real we are not friends. Don’t fool me into thinking we are and I will do the same for you.



Captured by Grace

13 Aug

I need to share a story.

It is about a servant. He owes a king a huge debt and when he is called to pay, he finds that he is not able to and he pleads with the king to give him time to pay. The king feels sorry for him and cancels the debt. This servant, free and forgiven, meets with a man who owes him money. He seems to forget what just happened with the king and he demands for his money. To the extent that he chokes the guy. No amount of pleading would appease the servant so he throws the man in jail until he can pay his debt. Eventually the king hears of what the servant does and has him thrown in jail because he did not show mercy as he had been shown.

Every time I read that story, I harshly judge the unmerciful servant. I could not believe that someone could be so unforgiving and ungrateful. That was until I saw the unmerciful servant in myself.

I recently got robbed of a laptop and some money. The laptop was found, the money wasn’t although the thief was caught. I remember when I found the laptop stolen I went on my knees and asked God to intervene. When it was found I was elated and hurriedly went back on my knees to thank God. It wasn’t until the second incident that I stopped to think of the purpose of these situations. I realized that God is not in the business of waving a magic wand every time I pray just for the sake of it. He does it for His glory. I realized that I was not the only party in these incidences. There were other parties and God has vested interests in them. I was done with these guys, but that is not how God deals with me. Even though they are the culprits, God has grace for them too.

What would Jesus do? Would He just dismiss them and exhale “good riddance”? Wouldn’t He wrap His arms around them and say He forgives them? Wouldn’t He dig deeper in their lives and find out how He could help them? One thing is for sure, He would see this as a golden opportunity to reflect God’s love.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

Dream Again

31 Jul

So yes I am dreaming again. I don’t remember what ignited this fire but it doesn’t matter. I am dreaming again and it feels so good.

I sat and remembered a time three years ago when I was not working based on my own strength. I had just taken a step of faith and from there I had to totally trust in God. I remember working with a marginalized community and I loved it most times. When I didn’t like it, I was just being silly and right now I wish I hadn’t wasted all that energy hating it. At this point, God had given me so much compassion and passion for the community that I knew no bounds to the achievement of my dreams. At this time, through God’s grace I thrived but what was most important was that I was flowing with what God put in my heart and walking in obedience.

I remembered another incident. My friend and I had gone on a mission trip for a few months. At the end of our time there, a lady friend of ours decided to take us around the town on one night. We also invited another guy friend along. We went around looking for fun places to be at and did quite a bit of dancing. At just about 4am, we were doing our final rounds when we found one of the joints closed. We just sat in the parking lot and started talking. The guy had not yet received the salvation of Christ and he started asking about it. We had a discussion around the topic and it was interesting to hear the viewpoints. He said that he had only ever depended on himself all his life and that worked for him, but not really because he felt there was something more.

Now this was something that was new to me because I received the salvation of Christ when I was very young and all through my journey, I always knew that I could lean on God especially through the tough times. I could not imagine going through heartache and life’s failures and not crying out to God. And it is not just the relief in bad times, but the peace that comes with knowing that Christ has redeemed me at such a sacrificial price of death to pay for my sins. No greater love than this than that He lay down His life so that I would receive life and life in abundance. I never knew a love like this before!

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10

Anyway, back to that night, we went through the four spiritual laws to try and explain the concept of salvation. With our bodies exhausted, we concluded the plan by inviting the guy to church, which was only three hours away. We had been in that parking lot for over two hours. He was non-committal and we were too tired to insist so we all went our ways. We had badgered him enough with the Word anyway.

My friend and I went home and almost decided not to go to church but somehow got there a little late. When we got there, we found the guy all cleaned up and in church; with his wife and two daughters. Just so you know that God had set him up, the sermon was about fatherhood. This guy really adores his daughters and there could not have been a more relevant topic: how God is a father to us and what is expected of fathers. I know the guy continued going to church after that, whether he has received Christ I do not know but I know God was putting seed in his heart and cultivating it. It would only be a matter of time… I remember thinking I could live my life just for times like this when I could see transformation in people’s lives.

When I remembered these two incidences, I started thinking of my gifts and how they mesh with the places God has taken me to especially when I was obedient to His leading. I am all for transformation through the Truth of God in lives but especially those who are lost, oppressed and in need. Let’s see where that road leads.

You found me

31 Jul

I remember thinking where was He? How could He wait till everything was falling apart to show up? I feel like the rug was pulled from under me. I had been calling on Him all this time, hadn’t I? But wait, was I listening? So many questions in my head: I felt so stupid for not anticipating and managing it until it became a crisis. At my age and with all the experience, it was so unreal!

“Hi dear, sometimes in life we face challenges that are hard to digest and especially when it concerns the people we love. It is just a matter of time, God is still in control…….” A mother’s touch

Yet, that is how God has been dealing with me these days. It’s because I am so stubborn and such a “smarty pants” He gets me to a point where I just have to relax and not take things into my own hands. It reminds me of the story of how a shepherd tames his sheep. Yet even after all that, I try to use my own strength to sort the crisis. I’m worn. I guess what I need to do is be still.

So now I am still!

Lost and insecure

You found me, You found me

Lying on the floor

Surrounded, surrounded

Why’d You have to wait

Where were You, where were You

[It feels like You were] Just a little late

But You found me, You found me

(The Fray)


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