Kept Woman and Loving It

I know what you’re thinking. Get your mind outta the gutter! I don’t mean mistress; keep reading you will get it.

I usually have these times, when I put on worship music and sit or lie on the floor, stretch out my hands and meditate on the lyrics. I don’t particularly like slow music but I make an exception at these times and really let the words minister to me.

Tonight I was meditating on a time in the past few weeks when I felt very discouraged and was very bored with life but could not quite figure out exactly what it was. Looking back, it was probably because I felt that God did not have my back. I felt that He was placing me in paths that were only leading me to lack of fulfillment and I was being set up to fail. So I got into a state of apathy for a while until God threw something to jerk me back to life. Actually it was a number of things so I set aside time to fast and pray.

Through this time, I have realized that God has really kept me. Times when I have been so discouraged that I thought the world would be better off without me. I can’t say I have ever been suicidal but I sure know I have been close a number of times. When I think of the reasons that got me discouraged, they were not worth it. God lifted me out of those deep pits and just in time too. It is only by His grace that I live today. This song really ministers to me when I am down and out. I hope it does the same to you. Allow me to share a part of the song.

So I’m here today because God kept me

I’m alive today only because of His grace

He kept me, God kept me

So I wouldn’t let go

(Kurt Carr)

Lessons from my parents

I went to visit my parents this past weekend and it was amazing! I couldn’t help but admire how this couple is amazing and real and inspirational. Yes you could say I have a crush on my parents but I think they just ground me and give me a different perspective to life. I remember sitting after dinner and we were having conversation and I was so free and just yapping away. I even forgot we had a visitor in our midst. I remember my dad speaking and I was just thinking “this guy lives in the real world”.

My dad is intelligent and very grounded in life. He seems reserved when you first meet him but in comfortable situations he really comes alive with jokes and funny comments. He also has a way with sarcasm and ‘snide’ remarks (yes I get some of that from him). He thinks before he makes a step and I find that he is very wise. He is also easy going (of course I didn’t think that when I was younger) and you get the feeling that nothing you could ever do could shake his love for you. My dad is and has been for a long time my constant role model. He is not perfect and I know it but he has a lot to offer the world. He is simple, humble and sober.

My dad has taught me a few lessons in life. He has taught me passion. This man walked down a long aisle to the front of the church, read Bible verses and declared that he had finally decided to give his life to Christ even though there had been no altar call. Before that you wouldn’t have known that he wasn’t saved because he would go to church regularly and be home by 5pm and he was a responsible man by any standards. He has a quiet strength that is not pushy but cannot be ignored. I can’ t count the number of leadership positions he has at the moment. It’s like every space he steps into, they recognize the leadership potential he has. Growing up, we knew my dad was the disciplinarian. He may not have been the executor but we knew his hand was in it for sure. My dad has taught me very many things just through observation and conversation. I remember spending more time with him growing up than with my mum. I remember in high school, I would have sports events and he would always attend when I called him and he would bring me good food. He also came for all visits as long as he was around. He was very present at least as far as I can remember.

One thing I have heard him say one should look for in a husband is one who is willing and able to provide and take care of his family. In a nutshell, a responsible man!

My mum is such a darling! She is actually the reason I finally collected myself and went home on a Sunday when I would much rather have been in my bed and not socialising. She called me and said they had missed me and told me to visit. Now, when I visit, I can be such a ‘brat’. I just want to be spoilt. She can ask me to do something, I make a face and she just tells me to leave it. I feel so guilty after that and sometimes I yield. Anyway, so she asks me questions and I pour my heart out and update her. She keeps me up till 2am at night and wakes up to make me breakfast. Isn’t she a darling? One of the things I admire about my mother is her wisdom. She can solve any and every problem with so much ease. Her wisdom is so incredible, it can only be from life experiences and prayer.

One thing that my mum has taught me is resilience. To rise above any situation and not keep grudges or take things to heart. To let God be my regulator in situations and trust His will shall come to pass.

I am blessed to have an amazing family and especially parents. My resolve in life is to be a present parent to my four children (God-willing) and be a major influencer in their lives. I want to ground them in the Word of God and speak God’s purposes into their lives. I believe parenthood is one of those things that top the list in the noble things of life. If and when God gives me the opportunity, I would love to majorly teach my kids: resilience and independence. Of course I submit all these to God Almighty who knows the plan He has for my life. My desires are at His feet, surrendered.

GRACE FOR THE MODERN MAN

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Imagine the most manly man you know or have heard about. This is the man you would have loved the men in your life to emulate. For most of us, this man is of an older generation. In traditional times, the man would grow up in a community where there were other men of all ages. They were even grouped into age sets which I could compare to a mentor or discipleship group. The men would walk together as they grew and would encourage each other and correct each other. Of course there’s the flip side where they would have a large platform to influence each other negatively. At the age of thirteen, they would go through a rites of passage where it was clear that they were now not children and there were clearly laid out expectations of what made a man, a man. Some communities send off the men into the forests to be warriors at these early ages. It was very clear what a man’s role was in a community.

Fast forward to present day, the community life is almost non-existent. This means that families do not even know who their neighbors are, not to mention their extended families. Most homes are women led and the fathers are nowhere to be found. The rites of passages are somewhat diluted in their impact in these young men. I can use my brother as an example though he is still a teenager and really not the worst of them. He had and still does have a present dad all his life but he still has a lot of growing up to do in this quest to become a man. I can only imagine how it is for men who did not have father figures growing up. Although I think a father is essential in the life of a man, I think other factors like mentor-ship and accountability play a big role. I know of a lady who married a man who had grown up in a home with a single mother. He grew up seeing the mother lead in everything. When he got his own home, it was not automatic for him to now realize that he needed to take the reins and lead. He had grown up seeing a woman lead the home and he did not know better.

So is it fair for us women to have a list with ten qualities of a man that we expect to be there without fail considering the plight of the modern man? Is it fair for the mentors and disciplers of this generation to have a rigid list of expectations and teach this to the modern woman? This is not an excuse for women to choose blindly or settle for what we consider ‘losers’. I just wonder whether we may be living in a bubble considering the current situations. Shouldn’t we extend grace to these young men who are our potential future husbands. Thank God for experiences like MAN ENOUGH and BOYZ TO MEN by Transform Kenya that is trying to correct this state and train men to avoid the ripple effect of fatherless homes.

I do have a list for the man I want to spend my life with and one of the most important qualities is leadership. I have learnt that there is a difference between leading at work and leading in a relationship. I however think that this is a quality that can be learnt in time and that a man can be guided through it. There are definitely qualities especially to do with integrity that are non-negotiables but at least two out of the four things on my list are teachable. Wouldn’t I rather be looking out for the quality of teachability?

I am no expert but I am really against rigidity in the issues of relationships. I really think we should follow the leading of our shepherd and drown out the other voices. Can we let God guide as in choosing our mates? Could we ask Him to give us a ‘list’ and the standards we could use instead of copy-and-pasting?

John 10:3-5

“……the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. ⁴ When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. ⁵ But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

WHEN LIFE HAPPENS

The Lord’s hand came upon Ezekiel and took him out by the spirit. He took him to a land of dry bones and I can imagine him wondering what that was all about.

Then God asks him, “Son of man, can these bones live?”

I am impressed by his answer. He says “O Sovereign Lord, you alone know.”

He acknowledged that God had sovereignty to do what He willed. This guy had come to know God quite well. He had been told to prophesy good and bad: doom and restoration and I guess it got to a point he just realized surrender was the best way and he needed not be too smart with his answers.

I thought of things I have prayed for before. Jobs that I felt were my right from God. I would pray and expect God to make things happen and when they did not happen, disillusionment would check in. God’s will at most times did not feature in my prayers.

Anyway-back to the point of my story- as you read this story further down, God tells Ezekiel to prophesy to the bones; to command them to hear the word of the Lord. That He would make breathe enter into them and bring them to life. He would bring flesh upon them and cover them with skin. As Ezekiel prophesied, flesh and skin came over them but there was no breathe.  God told Ezekiel to prophesy and command breathe to come from the four winds and breathe into the slain army. The army came to life and stood on their feet. God then continues to say that the bones were the house of Israel whose hope was gone and He was saying that He would restore them. The whole story is in the Bible in the book of Ezekiel chapter 37.

What dry bones do we feel we have in life? What are those situations we go through and feel that they are hopeless and cannot be redeemed? What if we prophesied unto those situations and used the word of God to speak life into those situations? In my life I know I have had situations where I felt there was no hope. I remember especially when a family member was diagnosed with leukaemia and it felt like the end of the world. I remember times I would get out of a relationship and feel like maybe relationships were not my thing and maybe I was destined to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life. Singleness does not necessarily mean misery but that was the lie I had believed.

In 1 Samuel 30 we read of a time when David was tested in His leadership. As he and his army were away fighting, their camp was raided and their women and children taken away. The men David had led were talking of stoning him; they blamed him for what had happened. This must have been hard for David as his two wives had also been taken and now his men were turning against him. But David found strength in the Lord. He picked himself up and consulted God on how to proceed. He took his responsibility and decided not to take pity upon himself but turn to the one person who was able to help him and was able to right the situation.

I charge you today to take the authority God has given you through His Word and in the knowledge of who we are in Him. Speak into the difficult situations in your life and prophesy hope, restoration, redemption and breakthrough into your life.

Now I think that is what self sufficiency but in Christ’s sufficiency is about. And the best thing about it is that it is more sustainable than counselling sessions or girls’ talk, in the long run.

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS

aaaaaw!

Today is my birthday! I am in my mid twenties and feel so blessed so I have decided to count my rainbows. Today I hang out with three fabulous ladies who took time out on a Monday to bless me with food, cake and awesome girly conversation. Ok, there was also a gentleman; a gracious husband to one of the three. It is important to note that he did not take part in the girly conversation, at that time he made an exit.

My earliest memory has to do with school. I was on a bed trying on a dress in anticipation for school. My mum and sister were there and I was so excited. I do not remember much around my home life, school really was my biggest influence. Anyway it had to considering there was a season I would spend up to 70 hours a week in school (I would not do this to my child). At 10 years old, Revelation was my favourite book even though I did not fully understand it and I had read it over many times. I remember sitting at home and watching Pst. Wilfred Lai preach about 16 years ago; on that day I responded to an altar call he made and thus began my relationship with Christ. It has been a bumpy road but a worthwhile journey too.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

Isaiah 43:1

I do believe that the Lord has called me. It has been 5 years since I started searching for the relevance of my salvation: in my life and in the world that the Lord has chosen to place me. It has been a long and hard search but it has started unfolding. I have come to know that God has been and continues to lay foundations that I will need in life.  It is only till a recent life coaching session that I started to see a pattern in the events that have marked my life.

God definitely gave me a great gift in my family. My parents have been so supportive and present all my life. My siblings are also such a blessing and such cool company anytime. I could also add my cousins, aunts and uncles to the list and declare that I do not lack when it comes to love. My friends (and I have been blessed to have quite a number) are amazing. The circle keeps growing as I add friends to the list and I am fortunate that this area has never been hard for me.

Looking forward, I do have great dreams and ambitions. They have been coined from revelations from God, desires of my heart and the journey I have been through in life. I want to impact this world. I want to do God’s will above all else and leave a legacy for my children and their children. I have aspired to be an air hostess, paediatrician, financial analyst, teacher, stay-at-home mum, civil servant and missionary in my lifetime. I do not know if I will ever get to do some of the things I have aspired to do but I am sure that God is leading me every step of the way. In this year I will strive to listen to the lessons in every circumstance. I pray for wisdom, knowledge and understanding.

I don’t know how the story ends

But I’ll be alright coz You wrote it

And I don’t know where the highway bends

But I’m doing just fine

Coz You’re in control even when I don’t know

Where my life’s gonna go

You’re keeping me guessing

(Francesca Batistelli)

MY FOREVER LOVE

Joy oh joy

……You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

 Desiderata, Max Ehrmann 1927

Today I went for a service. In this service, there were many speakers and each of them had me doubling up in laughter. It was a funeral service! I got in at the time different people were reading tributes. It was amazing to hear different people speak of joyful, funny memories about the lady who was now deceased. She was such an influence in the lives of everyone she was in contact with. All these in spite of the fact that she had a disability and was not able to walk without support. She had had the condition for 17 years but what everyone kept saying was how she was a strong, cheerful lady. She was a skilled business woman who was successful in all she did.  But what impressed me most was her attitude to life. She was all she could be with all God gave her.

The last few days have been such hard days for me. I have been overwhelmed by work and school and feeling inadequate in the new role at work and as a student. I have been a walking zombie. Other than that I have been having tough conversations with God calling upon Him for answers only for Him to add more questions. So it would be fitting to say this has been the most intense and confusing week I can remember.

So you can imagine I did not expect to feel any better after attending the funeral. I did not expect to gain anything, if anything, it was going to be a distraction from the overflow of thoughts in my head. A time to forget all my worries and stand with people who were mourning their loved ones. After the funeral, my spirit was uplifted to a soaring height. How great is this God that I serve that He uses a funeral service to encourage me and give me joy. I had decided I would not turn to any human to give me encouragement or console me. I was going to encourage myself in the Lord. I was soldiering on with God but it seemed He was not going to intervene, yet He did in the strangest of places. I just got a peace of mind that He is with me constantly and I have a place on this earth for His will to be accomplished in my life and it would be done. I do not have any of my answers but I know that I am going to be fine. Today I bask in the joy that I feel and can’t explain  but am very grateful for.

You are my forever love

You are my forever love

From the bottom of my heart I’ll sing to You
From the depths of who I am I love You
With everything inside I’ll run to You
‘Cause all that I’ve become I owe to You

Francesca Battistelli

YOUR STAFF MY COMFORT

So what happens when the same result keeps occurring even in different situations to the same person? It may be a case of having the same script but with different casts. What am I getting at?

I am talking about my relationships with men. They have all ended considering I am single now. I have sat and dissected the different relationships I have had (even the not-so-serious ones) and have come to the conclusion that I did not know any better but knew a bit more with the next relationship. Clearly this was of no use because I ended up with the same result-a broken relationship.

There have been stages I have gone through as all these introspecting and dissecting has been happening.

Stage 1: Blame Blame Blame

Blame the other party. He was the one who did not treat me right. Shout it for the entire world to know but don’t tell him. Give him a cold shoulder so he knows something is up. if he does not notice (which is most probable) shout even louder to the world and accept their kind words of condolence with mucho entitlement.

Stage 2: Blame some More

Blame the species. It seems all men are like that. Who needs them anyway?

But wait…what about all the women who seem to have succeeded?

Stage 3: Don’t Stop the Blame on My Account

Blame self. I am not worthy of love. No one can love me. It’s my entire fault. He was out of my league. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard. I shouldn’t have been so complacent. I’m not pretty/skinny/ [insert self-pitying adjective here] enough

Stage 4: Find a Coping Mechanism

I can’t take another broken relationship. So I let no one get close enough to penetrate my walls and when they do they are pushed away. Decision to go on with my life and let God take over and call it surrender (without really surrendering). I mean, the “surrender” is motivated and fed by fear. God must have a reason why I am going through all this pain, He must be teaching me something. Followed by a faint “I will wait on You Lord”. It’s not like I have much choice anyway!

Stage 5: Wait a Minute

Realize I am not in a healthy state. Get into a melancholic state and go through a whole lot of soul searching. Discover faults with the other stages and realize both parties in a relationship are human beings and both make mistakes and have fears. And both may be at different points in life and hence the lack of cohesion. And would you believe it, a lot is pegged on your unhealthy self esteem, in my case, quite low. This stage is quite draining and tiring. We all know truth is hard especially when said truth is about self.

Stage 6: Surrender

Cry out to God for healing. Accept that He has a good plan for my life and He knows the desires of my heart. Focus on His calling for my life and get into the business of God’s work for me. Strive to have my identity in Christ.

Deal with the past mistakes. This leads to a lot of apologies, confession and repentance which leads to FORGIVENESS. This has been the hardest in this stage and has to be done regularly. Also asking for forgiveness even if you felt you did nothing wrong. You probably did. But most importantly, forgiving self!

Stage 7: Allow for shepherding

Being open to another relationship. Only God could have brought me to this place. This means I know what I want. I am not desperate and I am relying on God’s leading even as He corrects and teaches me. I consult Him as I make decisions and He speaks and I strive to listen as I cultivate a relationship with Him. I am willing to be patient and listen to my shepherd and drown out the other voices

John 10:3-5

“……the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. ⁴ When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. ⁵ But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”