MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT

2010 started out pretty badly. I thought I would get a break from the string of frustrations that was 2009 but I was in for a surprise. Work got pretty stressing and uncertain. I had no motivation. I was like a zombie, up on Monday just waiting for Friday. Living off other people’s tweets and tweeting just to get through a day. This had to be the worst Valentine’s Day ever for me. I got stood up! Yes I was dressed up all pretty in red (I always wear red BTW) and everyone was commenting on how lucky the guy was.

I guess everyone could see it except him. I really liked him. (I forgave him for this or so I think)

Come March and I get myself into a relationship, I knew I was being hasty but pushed aside any doubts I had.

5 months down the line, we had not grown and I was more hurt than loved. I knew I should have done what was right but I did not until 4 months had passed from then. I did this in obedience to God. I can tell it was the right thing to do because I do not feel like pulling my hair out and I do not lie in bed crying about it. I know it was right because these days as I speak to God, it is not a cry of pain, fear and frustration. It is a cry of hopeful waiting. I am finally learning to trust Him. I have no regrets.

In all fairness, there were some good times in the relationship. It was not all hurtful; I had quite some laughs and fun times. I came to learn that the problems I had in my life were internal. I was not listening to God and was trying to take control of my life like I could handle it.

This end of the year I can truly testify that the Lord has answered ALL my prayers and even exceeded them. I asked Him to put me in the line of His will for me and He did. I asked Him to give me a way out of my status in the relationship and He gave me a way out. I asked Him to heal my uncle from Leukemia and protect my mum during her surgery and He did both. I asked Him for divine ideas at work and He gave them to me. I asked Him to speak to me and He did, loudly and clearly. I prayed for provision and He came through. I prayed for comfort for my friends and He delivered. I prayed that He removes fear from my life and He made me bold.

I am at peace and I have joy. He is forming me, I can feel it. I just want to relish this atmosphere that is around me. This could be favor unmerited or I must have done something right.

So this coming year I am working on the relationships in my life: with God, with acquaintances and friends. I am done with hiding behind social networks and a busy front. This will be a year of giving and giving unconditionally.

That is my resolution for 2011.

Yesterday left my head kicked in

I never never thought that I would fall like that

Never knew that I could hurt this bad

Am learning to breathe

Am learning to crawl

Am finding that You and You alone can break my fall

Am living again

Awake and alive

Am dying to breathe and gaze upon the skies

(Learning to Breathe, Switchfoot)

I SET ME UP IN 2010

I couldn’t wake up this morning! This is the one day I have to work and I could not get up. So I started wondering why I decided to move in this direction in my career and what was I thinking. The free time I get to have I want to sleep. I usually motivate myself when I remember I have Mondays free but that didn’t work today.

Yes, you guessed right, I work in church.

Since I started I have got myself unfollowed (on twitter) by a few chaps, have no time for facebook or friends and got myself boyfriend-less. My social life is plummeting and sadly I have no energy to try and salvage it.

There are some perks though: amazing new friendships, miraculous provision and  a job I love. I remember the frustrations I had at the beginning and I can’t believe it. Everything I had been asking for at the beginning of the year I got before the year ended.

2010 has been mine!!!!!

Be careful what you wish for

YOURS

To my dear sad friend,

I know it feels like this phase will never end. That you will always feel like this and you wonder how it feels to be any other way. You try to grasp at memories of when you used to be happier but you cannot remember. The feeling eludes you.

But deep down you know that it will not always be this way. You know you will smile again. You only wish that time would come sooner.

Your life is like a song and you know the next stanza will read differently.

Joy comes in the morning so hold on.

Xoxo

Smile

THE ONE THING NOT WASTED

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

The song is so intense but the words are even deeper. It must be sad to feel that you have to do so much to make someone feel your love. Should it not come naturally? Why should we work so hard on the one thing that makes us hurt as much as it makes us happy. It feels like such a waste. But wait, can you really waste love?

When the evening shadows and the stars are few

And there is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

When you listen clearly you will realize that there is no place in the song where she says she wants to be loved back. She just wants them to feel her love. Just to know how deeply she loves them. This is selfless part of love. It is unconditional, meant to give and give not give and take.

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet

But I would never do you wrong

I’ve known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

Love is confident. Love knows what it has to offer. It does not depend on what the other party has to offer.

I could make you happy

Make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn’t do

Go to the ends of the earth for you

To make you feel my love

(Make You Feel My Love, Adele)

NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

Ever been in a situation where waking up is hard to do but sleeping is impossible too

I feel that way! So I have to warn you this post may seem a bit scatter-brained.

Maybe it’s the closing of one chapter of my life that is familiar and entering another that is unknown. I feel so restless. I have disarranged my clothes planning to fold them but now they are on my unmade bed and I am in the middle of the mess. Did I say what time it is? 2:33am!

In the background Maroon 5 is playing. I have just watched the movie “The Last Song”. Very lovely movie, it made me cry some too.

Life is short and unfortunately we are too busy protecting it to live it. When will we stop guarding our hearts and minds so we can start living? Choose to live

Girl put your records on

Tell me your favorite song

You go ahead let your hair down

Sapphire and faded dreams

I hope you get your dreams

Just go ahead let your hair down

You’re going to find yourself somewhere somehow

(Corinne Bailey Rae)

OF BIRDS IN HAND……..

I got a six stringed new best friend. Of course it’s not the one pictured above but it’s a beauty. Even better is the story behind how I got it.

I was given a ride by a kind stranger who had his guitar on his back seat and I commented about it. He says he is selling a guitar and I say am interested. In a week, I have a guitar I had not budgeted for at that time!

I had said I would get one by the end of the year but I guess halfway through is good too.

Then there’s the time my friend and I thought of ‘seriously’ starting a business. We had talked about it loads but had put it off for ‘soon’. So now we decided to look for a premise. We did it in no hurry as ‘soon’ could even mean the end of the year. As soon as we started looking, we got a place and we were told we had to start using it the next month, which was three weeks away. I can’t explain how we got enough capital to start in three weeks.

Advice I always give aspiring entrepreneurs: Just make the first step.

I had this urge to move to something new. To move from where I was currently working and do something else. At the beginning of the year I casually mentioned I wanted to get engaged in a certain program. I forgot about it until two months ago. Even after remembering, I decided to apply for the later recruitment which would be at the end of the year. Then I thought twice about it and decided to apply for the earlier recruitment, a bit too late but not really because God opened a way and I got accepted.

That’s just divine intervention I can’t explain.

What’s my point?

Just do it!

Now is as good a time as ever. Why wait!

You have now, that’s your bird in hand. Who knows about tomorrow!

AM A DOVE, I SO WANT TO BE AN EAGLE

Ok, not really. Let me explain.

I am a dove, no not the bird, silly. The trait.

There are four; doves, eagles, owls and peacocks. They are relationship-oriented, results oriented, detail-oriented and socially oriented respectively.

A dove is a skilled diplomat and relationship oriented. They like personal involvement. Of course they are peaceful and dislike conflict and disharmony. This is good right?

Then……..

They need reassurances that they are liked and appreciate when others demonstrate interest in them. In a nutshell, they are needy. You see why I wanted to be an eagle. Who likes being the needy type?

Then I thought about it. Why do we usually do these personality tests? Well I can tell you I do them to better understand my traits and work on the weaknesses.

I don’t think I am needy and I definitely do not need reassurances, at least not from people that they like me. I know I need only God to validate me. Maybe a while back I would totally care about what people thought of me, right now, not so much.

I have worked on some of the weaknesses and life has worked some out for me. I also realize that these traits change as one gets older and ‘wiser’. For example, I was an INFP (introspective, feeling and perceptive)-healer two years back. Right now I am still an INFP, not a healer but a counselor. I interpret this to mean I moved from just being a listener and peacemaker, got more proactive and began to teach and inspire.

In a year I may be an eagle. Fat chance! Maybe an owl or peacock, who knows.

And why would I not want to be a dove? I get away with so much as I am. I could have things easy but I choose to work for them. I get out of my comfort zone. The trait complements my hidden talents (that shall remain hidden secret).

Do you think those ‘damsels in distress’ you read about in books were eagles?

I think not!

And didn’t they always end up with the prince and the happily ever after life.

Doves Rule!

KARMA IS THAT THING THEY SAY IT IS

I am only so young but I can’t thank God enough for the lessons I have learnt. These are my top four:

Trust in God

Not much explaining needed.

God does not work the way the world works. One has endless disappointments while the other turns those disappointments into victories.

Read the Word and believe in the promises. He has plans for good and not for evil. He forgives and redeems. He came to give life and abundantly. He can restore even the years that had been eaten by the locusts!

Trust and obey and believe. I should throw in the word faith here too.

Get the Right Foundation

You remember the story in the Bible where there were two men who were building houses. One built his on sand and the other on firm ground. It does not even take guessing to know which house reduced to rabble when the wind blew.

Have you heard of very rich people suddenly getting impoverished and you realize their wealth was ill begotten. You see when the worldly things start to attack you, God protects you. But when you do not have your foundations right you have set yourself apart from God’s protection ‘cloud’. We should not forget that God redeems when we turn to Him. Let’s not forget also that there are consequences for all our actions.

That saying that goes ‘What goes around comes around’ it’s true.

I know of women who have tried to ruin marriages in the foolishness of their youth (before they themselves were married) and have paid dearly (and still are) when they got married. As long as I live, I purpose never to wreck a marriage through infidelity. How sacred does God hold marriage that He says he will not hear the prayers of a man who does not treat his wife well. Why would I want to fan that fire!

As a country, how do we expect to be under God’s protection if our laws go against His Word?

Love Self

When we love ourselves, we know what we ought to have and what we deserve. We know when we are not getting enough. But we also know when to look out for self and when to let others take priority. You learn to love with your heart and head and when you have had enough.

We realize we are all different with different gifts and characters. That is the only way we can get to love others. And selfless love is the most beautiful thing in this world especially when you love without expecting anything back.

What really matters

God is all that matters. Ps 127:1-2

Everything we do outside of that knowledge is in vain.

Neither wealth nor reputation, popularity or networking will give you peace of mind and purpose in life.

Do you have life’s lessons you would like to share?

FINISHING WELL

I resigned from my job well over a week ago.

I work with people, 100% of who are older than I am and think they are wiser. Maybe they are. 55% of my clients are illiterate or semi-literate. I deal with these clients’ money. I have been insulted, ignored and disrespected more than the average person. I have also been respected by many who I know will be sad to see me leave. Am glad to say I have had to work to earn that respect and I have earned it.

I have learnt to read people, anticipate reactions, and remain calm under impossible situations among other things. I have learnt to listen, how much I should listen to and know when someone’s conversation is pure hogwash. I have learnt different methods of yelling and what kind works with what kind of person. I have learnt to walk away and let situations cool down. I have learnt about team work. How to gel in but still stand out.

I have learnt that things can never get so bad that they can’t get worse. In all these I have learnt that what does not break you only makes you stronger.

I have two more weeks at the place and I was worried about how I would finish.

My anxiety was heightened when my new boss announced that it was time for the quarterly appraisals. Her boss, who was present then goes on to mention that the appraisal would be done by my old boss who knew us better. I had hoped I would evade an appraisal before I left.

I was worried about my performance and I so badly needed to finish well, so, on the morning of the appraisal I was jittery. I came in early, sat on my desk, prayed that God take control and purposed to be happy all day no matter what.

I was convinced I would score the lowest among my colleagues so you can imagine the near lack of enthusiasm when I got into the manager’s office. We discussed why I had resigned and she gave a few comments of admiration, I think. Then we started the appraisal. At the end of it all, I actually scored the highest in the branch. I was so excited and when I left the office I went to my desk to ponder on what had happened. For sure, God had checked in.

I got new understanding on why God had told me so many times that I did not need to try too hard.

I thought of why I had thought I would score poorly and realized I am too hard on myself. I feel like a failure when things don’t work out and beat myself up about it. But actually I do very well at my job. But I can’t take credit for my performance because I have many a times thought of giving up. I can only say that the past year has been God’s doing. When things would get worse I would call on God for peace and wisdom to deal with situations. Actually every solved problem felt like supernatural assistance was engaged. I was like a marionette being guided.

I am grateful that God chose to station me at my current job where I probably learnt what some people would take a life time to learn. I am honored that He has chosen me for my next assignment. I know this is a new season in my life and I purpose to trust fully in the Lord. I want to have unshakeable faith like Job.

I want to be like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who, in the face of a death-by-burning threat said,

“O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up”

Daniel 3:16

I WISH MY HEART WERE BIGGER

Give me Your eyes for just one second

Give me Your eyes so I can see

Everything that I keep missing

Give me Your love for humanity

Give me Your arms for the broken hearted

The ones who are far beyond my reach

Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten

Give me Your eyes so I can see

(Brandon Heath)