Sucky ˈsʌki/ adjective
very bad or unpleasant.
Sucky ˈsʌki/ adjective
very bad or unpleasant.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
It amazes me every time that I still learn new truths even after 16 years in this Journey. These are things that I have heard all my life but they finally sink in! Like this theory of praising in the storm; I use the word theory loosely because it is actually a truth. A mother one day told me that she prays to God that He would not remove trials from her children’s lives but that He would guide them through trials. I found that a bit hard to ingest and digest.
Then we read stories of Job, Daniel and his friends and Paul and we read through how they praised in the storm and I write them off as a special breed. But trials are necessary to build and refine our character. I find that it is at times like these that I grow closer to God like never before. And it is at my darkest point that He comes through and encourages me in a way that I understand.
…“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9
Then I find strength through the trial until it ends. I learn that resilience actually means praising through the storm.
…For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12: 10
At times when I hit my darkest lowest points and I cry out to God and ask for peace that surpasses understanding and He gives it to me. Then later I sit and ask for understanding, He reminds me that I have peace that surpasses all understanding, why would I then seek for a peace that comes from understanding. So I concede.
Every blessing you pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Lord, still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Blessed be Your name
Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer- Jean de La Fontaine
This post tags on to #QLC and the journey to coming full circle. Things you get to understand about yourself and what you are about. The values you hold dearest and how it dictates your life and relationships. I value realness: honesty, candor and respect in friendships.
I want to be real all the time. Being real for me means I want to be honest, given the benefit of doubt, sassy, say silly things, laugh out loud, sit on the floor, let my hair down and stuff like that. I want to do that all the time, at work and even at school. I hate situations where I can’t do that even when I know I really can’t. Like in a management or any work meeting. Duh! I want to tell someone that their dark blue skirt would go really well with a yellow top and fuscia earrings and show them. I want to talk about how Love and Hip hop must not be real because no lady can take so much crap from a man. Why can’t we have a 20 minute break every thirty minutes to check out what’s trending and discuss it? Maybe because that’s not how the real world runs, boring! I remember one time being in a serious workshop and I just got the urge to ask a silly question. Then I asked it and could almost hear the gasps people were trying so hard to keep inside. I could tell they were thinking, “The nerve of her….”
Thank God the question got answered but if it didn’t that would be fine too.
I want my friends to be real too. One time, a really good friend of mine and I got a chance to work together. We were given roles and I got to find out she had a problem with our roles when I was called into a meeting (that I thought was to brief us on the next step). Turns out it was to ease out the situation that I had not known was uneasy in the first place. I felt so betrayed, like she had stabbed me fifty times in the back. My perspective was, if we are real friends you should be comfortable enough to tell me first before you tell others. Needless to say, there were trust issues galore but we are all good now.
That’s the same problem I have with men who lead women on and not treating them right. Here a lady is being real when the guy is not! If someone’s got some issues going on, they should speak their mind. They shouldn’t say things they know they don’t mean. That’s just downright disrespectful.
But that’s like a whole three blog posts full for another day.
True friendship ought never to conceal what it thinks-St. Jerome
My take is, if we can’t be real we are not friends. Don’t fool me into thinking we are and I will do the same for you.
I need to share a story.
It is about a servant. He owes a king a huge debt and when he is called to pay, he finds that he is not able to and he pleads with the king to give him time to pay. The king feels sorry for him and cancels the debt. This servant, free and forgiven, meets with a man who owes him money. He seems to forget what just happened with the king and he demands for his money. To the extent that he chokes the guy. No amount of pleading would appease the servant so he throws the man in jail until he can pay his debt. Eventually the king hears of what the servant does and has him thrown in jail because he did not show mercy as he had been shown.
Every time I read that story, I harshly judge the unmerciful servant. I could not believe that someone could be so unforgiving and ungrateful. That was until I saw the unmerciful servant in myself.
I recently got robbed of a laptop and some money. The laptop was found, the money wasn’t although the thief was caught. I remember when I found the laptop stolen I went on my knees and asked God to intervene. When it was found I was elated and hurriedly went back on my knees to thank God. It wasn’t until the second incident that I stopped to think of the purpose of these situations. I realized that God is not in the business of waving a magic wand every time I pray just for the sake of it. He does it for His glory. I realized that I was not the only party in these incidences. There were other parties and God has vested interests in them. I was done with these guys, but that is not how God deals with me. Even though they are the culprits, God has grace for them too.
What would Jesus do? Would He just dismiss them and exhale “good riddance”? Wouldn’t He wrap His arms around them and say He forgives them? Wouldn’t He dig deeper in their lives and find out how He could help them? One thing is for sure, He would see this as a golden opportunity to reflect God’s love.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
So yes I am dreaming again. I don’t remember what ignited this fire but it doesn’t matter. I am dreaming again and it feels so good.
I sat and remembered a time three years ago when I was not working based on my own strength. I had just taken a step of faith and from there I had to totally trust in God. I remember working with a marginalized community and I loved it most times. When I didn’t like it, I was just being silly and right now I wish I hadn’t wasted all that energy hating it. At this point, God had given me so much compassion and passion for the community that I knew no bounds to the achievement of my dreams. At this time, through God’s grace I thrived but what was most important was that I was flowing with what God put in my heart and walking in obedience.
I remembered another incident. My friend and I had gone on a mission trip for a few months. At the end of our time there, a lady friend of ours decided to take us around the town on one night. We also invited another guy friend along. We went around looking for fun places to be at and did quite a bit of dancing. At just about 4am, we were doing our final rounds when we found one of the joints closed. We just sat in the parking lot and started talking. The guy had not yet received the salvation of Christ and he started asking about it. We had a discussion around the topic and it was interesting to hear the viewpoints. He said that he had only ever depended on himself all his life and that worked for him, but not really because he felt there was something more.
Now this was something that was new to me because I received the salvation of Christ when I was very young and all through my journey, I always knew that I could lean on God especially through the tough times. I could not imagine going through heartache and life’s failures and not crying out to God. And it is not just the relief in bad times, but the peace that comes with knowing that Christ has redeemed me at such a sacrificial price of death to pay for my sins. No greater love than this than that He lay down His life so that I would receive life and life in abundance. I never knew a love like this before!
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Anyway, back to that night, we went through the four spiritual laws to try and explain the concept of salvation. With our bodies exhausted, we concluded the plan by inviting the guy to church, which was only three hours away. We had been in that parking lot for over two hours. He was non-committal and we were too tired to insist so we all went our ways. We had badgered him enough with the Word anyway.
My friend and I went home and almost decided not to go to church but somehow got there a little late. When we got there, we found the guy all cleaned up and in church; with his wife and two daughters. Just so you know that God had set him up, the sermon was about fatherhood. This guy really adores his daughters and there could not have been a more relevant topic: how God is a father to us and what is expected of fathers. I know the guy continued going to church after that, whether he has received Christ I do not know but I know God was putting seed in his heart and cultivating it. It would only be a matter of time… I remember thinking I could live my life just for times like this when I could see transformation in people’s lives.
When I remembered these two incidences, I started thinking of my gifts and how they mesh with the places God has taken me to especially when I was obedient to His leading. I am all for transformation through the Truth of God in lives but especially those who are lost, oppressed and in need. Let’s see where that road leads.
I remember thinking where was He? How could He wait till everything was falling apart to show up? I feel like the rug was pulled from under me. I had been calling on Him all this time, hadn’t I? But wait, was I listening? So many questions in my head: I felt so stupid for not anticipating and managing it until it became a crisis. At my age and with all the experience, it was so unreal!
“Hi dear, sometimes in life we face challenges that are hard to digest and especially when it concerns the people we love. It is just a matter of time, God is still in control…….” A mother’s touch
Yet, that is how God has been dealing with me these days. It’s because I am so stubborn and such a “smarty pants” He gets me to a point where I just have to relax and not take things into my own hands. It reminds me of the story of how a shepherd tames his sheep. Yet even after all that, I try to use my own strength to sort the crisis. I’m worn. I guess what I need to do is be still.
So now I am still!
Lost and insecure
You found me, You found me
Lying on the floor
Why’d You have to wait
Where were You, where were You
[It feels like You were] Just a little late
But You found me, You found me
Turning 25 was a very big deal for me. At only 18 years of age, I had projected that I would be quite far in my path in this life. I would have the dream job, dream boyfriend (marriage would come in at 27) and dream car.
Fast forward to the year I would turn 25; this would be a year marked by maturity, freedom and responsibility or so I imagined. I was offered a chance to stay in Dar-es-salaam for 4 months by my work organisation and this sounded like a brilliant way to usher me into this phase. I would be living away from my family and the system I was used to. To say I was excited would be an understatement! I came back and decided to move out of my parent’s home again and this time live on my own. This, however, would only last 6 months before I made a decision to move back home. The start of year 25 was characterized by loneliness, bad health, financial issues, soul-searching and finally snapping out of it.
One thing I have learnt and keep re-learning is that this life has a lot of lessons it is waiting to dish out. Maturity starts with being able to face every situation and finding a way to rise above them and use every opportunity to better yourself. I have to admit I have come to realize my life has been better than most but that does not mean I did not almost crash and burn at some points. Let us talk about the loneliness.
Check out for signs you are going through quarter life crisis.